Typical, I decide to start doing this on a very lean week. I only got two new books this week: X-Men Unlimited #46 and Powers #31. All in all, it was an unimpressive week for me. One book sucked rancid donkey tail while the other one ... Well, I'm too confused to know if I really hated it or not.
So I'll start off with the easy one.
- X-Men Unlimited #46: 0 out of 5
I think I need another shower, I can still feel the stink of this one on me. See, this is what happens when you take any old story simply because it features Wolverine. These two stories read as really bad fanfic in the best tradition: incomprehensible plot, complete disregard for characterization and a huge thumbed nose to logic.
The first story centers around Logan working a pit fight, only this one features mutants only. We're asked to believe Wolverine's narration that identifies this guy Nome, whom we have never, ever heard of before, as one of Logan's "handful" of people he calls a friend. The reasons? Because Nome tells dirty jokes and occasionally buys him drinks. Logan has officially become cheaper than a $10 whore. For reasons largely unknown, Nome has asked Wolverine to take down this mutant pit fight bar thing. He claims that it's exploitative, but he says this while crowing about the $16,000 they've already won in bets. Not to be outdone in the hypocrisy department, Wolverine reflects on how this pit fighting is ultimately an honest way to earn some money and probably the only form of income for the really deformed mutants. He relays this to us while maiming the mutants he's fighting (seriously, we see him ripping off a tentacle with his teeth at one point), just before he burns the bar down. Not once in this story did we see anything exploitative. No, wait, I lie. Wolverine threatening the bar owner to sell and then setting the bar, money, and bar owner on fire was pretty exploitative.
That delightful tale over, we move to "Upon Reflection". At first I thought this would be a better story. For one, the art doesn't look like somebody threw upon the page. Quite the contrary, the art is actually quite nice. Given that the story is one largely without dialogue, I was went in with an open mind. By the third page I was too confused to really follow the story. By the fifth page, I stopped caring about my confusion. By the seventh, I stopped caring about Wolverine. By the ninth, I stopped caring about life, the universe and everything. I left this story with only one major image: Wolverine defeating the Big Bad Monster with a AA battery. Yes, that's right, a Duracell saved the day. To the best of my knowledge, it was never really explained what the monster was, why it hated batteries so much, or why Nick called his tip to Wolverine a "favour". These things could have indeed been included in the story, but it's too late for that now. My soul is shriveled and black.
- Powers #31: 2 out of 5
Given the impressive ending of the last issue, I was really looking forward to this one. I don't think I've picked up an issue of Powers yet that's disappointed me (although I admit to having a huge gaping hole in the middle of my collection due to the comic hiatus). I guess there's a first time for everything. In this issue, Bendis takes the story in a whole new direction. A direction that apparently deals with hot monkey lovin'. I mean that literally, by the way.
When I was finished with this issue (which managed to make me feel guilty as I was reading it), I felt much like I had after seeing 2001: A Space Odyssey. Like I kinda-sorta-not-really got what was going on and had the briefest of brief glimpse into The Master Plan, but then the moment fled and I simply felt sad and cheated.
The most entertaining part of this issue was in the letter column as Bendis had a pretend conversation with a fan at a future comic con. The fan, growing increasingly unsettled, demanded to know what the hell happened in this issue. Bendis assures us that this issue will make sense and that it's integral to this great new storyline ... Personally, I think it says something when you know with such certainty that your fans will hate an issue, but apparently that something wasn't "rewrite the opening". Still, I'm being harsh because it's 3.30am and I'm tired. I'm game, I'll see where the storyline leads. But I could live the rest of my life without ever seeing some of these scenes again, so let's hope that next issue is anything but more of the same.
