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Uncanny X-Men # 432
"The Draco"
Part 4 of 6 |
Rating:
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Writer:
Chuck Austen
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Penciller:
Philip Tan
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Key Events
- Austen messes up Nightcrawler's origin big time
Questions Raised
- If we close our eyes and wish real hard, can we make this nightmare end?
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Inker:
Phillip Tan
| Colours:
Avalon Studios |
Letterer:
Rus Wooton
| Editor:
Mike Marts |
EIC:
Joe Quesada
| Date:
December 2003 |
| Featuring:
Archangel, Wolverine, Nightcrawler, Mystique, Abyss, Nightcrawler |
| Versus:
Azazel and the Funky Bunch |
Quick Synopsis:
Azazel is revealed to be Kurt's father. Oh yeah, and he's also known as Satan. Fans everywhere wept.
Full Synopsis:
The issue opens much where it left off, with no one paying any attention to Azazel's commands to stop fighting. He throws a little temper tantrum and fries the battlefield, stunning everyone. He decides to take a break from his invasion of earth for a spot of tea, and invites Kiwi Black (I don't think we're supposed to know him yet, but in this jumbled mess that is Austen's "writing", who can say for sure?), Mystique, Archangel, Wolverine, the archaeologist guy, Abyss, and Nightcrawler. The rest of the X-Men, Azazel doesn't really care about, so of course Warren freaks out about Paige in what is probably supposed to be a touching moment which comes off more like needy whining.
Up in Vancouver, Sammy's parents are bickering about him. Mom thinks she should have left Fishy at Xavier's. There's a knock at the door, and she opens it to see Juggy and Northstar. The parents freak, and Mom starts frantically searching for something. Finding said something, she pushes it repeatedly. Sammy arrives home and Cain gets a glimpse of his hamburger-like face. Instantly assuming that all the damage was done by the father (despite the fact that Sammy was coming home from somewhere else), Cain starts screaming that Dad is a dead man.
The privileged few X-Men sit around Azazel's table. He asks who the leader is, but the X-Men are as confused as we are on that one. He announces that he is Kurt's father, and the mutants are able to actually feign surprise. Kurt asks Mystique if she's his mother -- "You've hinted at it enough," he says, somehow forgetting all the times she's said it flat out. Azazel continues to deconstruct Kurt's perfectly acceptable origin. Then the big shocker: Azazel is known by another name. Could it be ... SATAN?! Then we find out why the pointless archaeologist was invited: to be killed when he refutes the whole Satan claim.
Back to Canada where it seems the little device used by Sammy's mom has summoned Alpha Flight. I guess they're available to every citizen, no matter how white trash. Just like health care. Canada's so cool.
| Review:
This issue disgusted me so much that I actually was put off of reviewing comics for a while (a contributing factor to my tardiness). This issue easily ranks among the absolute worst Uncanny issues since Austen's painful run on the title. The "shocking" elements were predictable from four issues ago, and the hatchet job being done to Kurt's past is nothing short of deplorable.
In one fell swoop, Kurt is of demon origin, wiping out one of the most appealingly tragic aspects of the character ... not to mention contradicting long-standing evidence to the contrary. Now I'm not so anal that I can't let a retcon pass me by without glaring, but it has to have a purpose. A worthy purpose. The only possible justification for making Kurt a son of Satan is to perpetuate Austen's stifling view of the world: if it looks like something, it must therefore be that something. It's all about the literal again. Warren's called Angel, he looks like an Angel, ergo he must be an angel. There's no depth whatsoever to Austen's work. None. He has massacred the characters in his charge, forced plots, and his dialogue has even lost every ounce of appeal. It's like I'm reading any given piece of fanfiction. But I'm paying money for the privilege.
I do believe the time may have come to drop Uncanny. At least my pull of the title; I can pick it up again later on down the line to fill in my holes. On the plus side, there's no way in hell these issues are going up in value. I haven't fully decided on that course of action just yet, but the fact that I'm so close to it just goes to show how thoroughly disgusted I am with the title.
Pray to every god you believe in that the rumours I've been hearing about Austen being replaced on this title are true. I could sit my dog in front of a computer and get better stories than this.
| Quotes:
I can't bring myself to read it again to find any.
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