[OW!] 'Decking the halls' Part 1 of ?

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[OW!] 'Decking the halls' Part 1 of ?

Postby CapeMike » Sun Jan 02, 2005 10:26 pm

Yeah, yeah, I know...sorry for everything that's been keeping me from posting parts of this...mostly my own laziness.... :(

Hopefully, some of the OW! old-schoolers will like this and fondly look back on the golden era.... :)

===============================================

Meanwhile, elsewhere on the ranch....

No, wait....

Unbeknownst to the fans in the....

SLAG! It's been way too long since I've done this....
========================================================

MakoPlex is a pretty big place, and one of it's shining jewels is no laughing matter either; a massive outdoor stadium seating nearly 120,000, which happened to be the setting for OtakuMania 2003....

What was surprising though, was that the place was filled to capacity, despite the obvious knowledge to the NO's present that they could all be wiped out in one fell swoop if CapeMike had felt like it...but as that hadn't happened yet, perhaps, just perhaps, they were actually going to get to see some carnage happening...and NOT to them!

"...and welcome back to OtakuMania 2003, eveyone!" One of the ringside NO-announcers said; "Welcome back, all the people here, and everyone watching around -and over- OtakuWorld live on OW!N(1) for the main bout between MakoChanian leader CapeMike vs. Santa Claus himself! This one's been brewing for a year now when CM is alleged to've shot down Mr. Claus on Christmas Eve 2002, an event the Caped one continues to deny happened; the match was setup about a week ago after an impromptu attack on MakoPlex by the big red guy, and we're gonna be getting underway any moment now, and...hold on, I've just been given some news...it looks like we've got some special guests about to arrive to call the match! Well, THIS is interesting and...-" The NO trailed off as the implication of that sank in; he turned to the other NO and said; "well...um...how do you think we're gonna die?"

"Well, to be honest," the 2nd NO said, "my insurance is paid up, so as long as it's quick and painless I can't really complain and the-aaaAAAGGGHHHHHH!!!!" His yelp was suddenly cut off as Zeus, Mallard's faithful Rottweiler pet bounded into view, and quickly ate both announcers, oblivious to the stares of the nearby fans.

"...WOOF!" woof-ed Zeus, and bounded back-stage in what was likely to be his only cameo in this adventure....

The in-ring announcer finally spoke up, officially starting things off; "Ladies and gentlemen, named and not-named! Welcome to OtakuMania 2003 once again for our final match of the evening! For this main event, we've got quite a few surprises, including 2 special guest ringside announcers! First up...." The lights around the entrance stage went dim and the Decepticon Theme(2) roared to life from the speakers; "2nd in command of the MakoChanian faction, he is the duck of destruction, the fantastic fowl...MALLARD!!"

Mallard swopped out from behind the curtains and performed several impressive loops and aerial tricks before settling onto the recently vacated announcer's chair, grabbing up the headphones/mic and shouting, "DUCK IN THE HOUUUUUSSSEEEEEEEE!" Much to his suprise, the crowd responded quite favorably, either because of the excitement, or they knew he was -there- , and not trying to kill them where THEY were...; "Hello, one and all! You're gonna be witnessing one of the most spectacular...and SHORTEST slaughters in OW!F history in just a few moments, but I'm not gonna be doing this thing alone, so give it up for a REAL legend!"

The in-ring announcer picked up here as the lights went dim again and Weird Al Yankovic's "I'll be mellow when I'm dead" started up; "Mallard's companion announcer tonight is a true legend in the history of the OtakuWars! A first-generation OtakuWarrior, loyal OSDF member, twice elected president of OtakuWorld, dedicated to Setsuna-Sama and wielder of the infamous Big-Ass Key, he can only be...SUPERSTEVE!!!"(3)

The Super one himself strode out from behind the entrance stage, Big-Ass Key in hand, looking as confident as ever to the stunned, then enthusiastic roaring of the crowd as he made his way to the announcers' table, sitting down and high-fiving Mallard before taking his own headphones/mic; "Woo YEAH, brotha!! The Mahco-Steve is in the house maaann!! Mallard, pal; ya been keeping the maniac under control?!"

"Just barely, SS, just barely!" He laughed; "Pleasure to have ya back in the limelight!!"

"Pleased to BE here, brothaa! When I heard about what was going down, I just KNEW I had to drop on in and see how it was gonna go...so let's get this thing ON!"

The audience turned back to the in-ring announcer as the lights went dim once again and "Santa's gonna kick your ass", by The Arrogant Worms, began to play; "Now approaching the ring area; there isn't much that can be said about the challenger that hasn't been said over the years...; the spirit of Christmas, The Big Red Mahcine...no, not THAT one, Mr. Kringle himself, Santa Claus!!"

Presents began raining down in the crowd as Kringle made it to the ring, and climbed in, taking the mic, and dispensing with anything resembling his normal jolly self; "I'm a busy man on a busy schedule...bring the big guy out and lemme see to it the wall gets wiped with him!"

Mallard looked to SuperSteve; "Awfully confident, isn't he?"

"You got THAT right, Ducky!" SS replied; "But why do I get the feeling something is amiss here?"

"Um...because this is what amounts to an OAV, and something ALWAYS is amiss in them?"

"That isnt quite what I meant brotha', but it'll do for now...so what's CapeMike got planned to wow us all?"

"You know, that's the funny thing...he wouldn't even tell ME!!"

"WHAT??"

"I'm serious!! All he said was that it was gonna be *SO* are-you-nucking-futs over the top, they'd be talking about it for years to come!"

SuperSteve whistled; "I don't know whether to be excited...or terrified...."

TBC....

In the next part, Capemike makes his grand entrance, and all hell breaks loose in the ring when still another legend returns to make CM's life miserable....

(1) The OtakuWorld-Network, broadcasting 24/7/365, the definitive source for OtakuWorld news/entertainment, whether or not anyone likes it!

(2) This tune, produced by Vince DiCola, is an unused track from the 1986 Transformers movie that appeared on a limited edition Transformers music CD only available from a convention website.

(3) Yes, SuperSteve gave me permission to write him into this, even suggesting his entrance theme; he's also going to be beta-reading this and editing as he sees nessacary.... ;)
===============================

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"Explosions solve EVERYTHING!!"

-Nabeshin, Excel Saga episode 26
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Postby CapeMike » Mon Feb 14, 2005 12:04 am

Previously, on the OtakuWars!

CapeMike's author found even MORE excuses to delay this chapter!

The OtakuWars! celebrated it's birthday(Jan. 26)! :D

Santa made his appearance in the ring and now awaits the champ....

==========================================================================

"Well we're about to find out...there go the lights!" Mallard exclaimed....

The lights all around the stadium went dim, then flickered out as a recorded speech started up....

"Many years ago, a legend came to us...but he did not begin as a legend...like any other named, he had humble beginnings, and a loyalty to SailorJupiter that bordered on fanatic...then he got chucked out the TARDIS into the space/time-stream."

Some scattered chuckles from around the crowd rang out as Mallard looked at SuperSteve innocently; "I. have. no. idea."

"Well that's what really happened, you know."

The recording went on; "Landing in 1967 Egypt, his fortune delivered him under the watchful eyes of a previous incarnation of the Happy Hindu...; he might have stayed there for years if not for the intervention of the 1st MakoChanian and our mighty founder, SailorJessicaRabbit; she delivered him back to OtakuWorld-proper...gave him his cape, his name...and his mission, to smite with unholy power, those who would not submit to Mako-Sama's greatness, and thus the wheel of fate was set into motion. Under SJR's and the Happy Hindu's watch, he would become the faction's leader when our founder left for parts unknown, never to return...; and thus, with brief exception, it has been so until the present day. Despite conflict, despite setback, despite impossible odds, despite forgetting to arm the nuclear ordinace on at least 34 occassions, he carried on, his faction behind him and his faithful feathered friend ever at his side."

"You HAD to've had something to do with that, Ducky."

"Um...er...."

"And now, he returns to you once again, to defend that which is rightfully his, no matter what a certain shape-shifting Neutralian might have said about it."

The crowd boo-ed soundly at the mention of the hated Neutralian faction...I mean, C'MON, those fence-sitting WUSSIES not only could never decide on a Senshi, they had the GALL to think they'd win the Wars! by default and-...um...er...yeah....

"Ladies and gentlemen...named and un-named, those here, and watching all around and over OtakuWorld...it begins here and now."(1)

During the speech, a large cylindrical podium had slowly risen up about 20 yards away from the ring; standing atop it in sillouhette was...a female singer who launched into her number as Mallard's eyes went wide in surprise....

"Koda Kumi? Where the SLAG did CM find her?!?"

"I think the question is HOW did he get her here, Mallard...but honestly, it's a performance, allright!"

It didn't take long until a 2nd podium, identical to the 1st, rose up by it as a 2nd spotlight shone on it's occupant; Malalrd's eyes widened again....

"Jade??"

The two singers joined together in the song's chorus, during which, a THIRD podium, larger than, and slightly behind the 1st two, rose up and extended a ramp connecting the ring; it's occupant, also initially sillouheted looked all too familiar....

SS shook his head; "That's gotta be him...ego-trip to the extreme...."

The lights finally revealed it to indeed be CapeMike, who was wailing away on an electric guitar in place of the song's guitar solo just as a sign popped up behind him reading, 'Not bad for a guy who's never had a lesson in his life, eh?' Just as the song's chorus came in again, CM tossed the guitar high into the air, shouted out an extremley enthusiastic 'WHOOOOOOOOOOOO!', and started for the ring, reaching it just as the song ended with one bright spotlight focusing on him as he clibmed into the ring....

"Ahhh...," CapeMike said, taking a microphone in hand, "...it DOES feel good to be home again...ya know, though, it's almost a shame to put on this kind of a production for a match that's probably gonna last all of 4 seconds and reduces my opponent to a quivering pile of goo, don't you think?" he finished, turning to see-

...Santa, the in-ring announcer, and the ref all asleep on the ring floor....

Mallard and SS sweatdropped at the same time as the duck said; "Well, I think we all saw THAT one coming a parsec away....

"Comedic timing," SuperSteve laughed, "gotta love it...especially when it ticks CM off because he didn't think of it 1st!"

One of CM's eyebrows twicthed for a few seconds, then; "WAKE UP, YOU #^@%@! #^@%@ ##^&@!&#^%@ #^@&@%@ <extremley vile expletive deleted> #^@^#%@^!!!!!!"

"Thaaaaaat's gonna cost somebody." Mallard muttered....

"Well, I'm glad to see you enjoyed your nap there," CM said as the other 3 got up with a start, "Can the pointless violence start now?"

Santa waved a hand dismissvely; "Not just -yet-...I'm dissappointed in you...."

"Nani?"

"So eager to kick my ass and you overlooked something so trivial...I'm a busy man, as you surely know."

"Your slagging -point-?!"

"I'd like to stay here and embarrass you and all, but those toys are gonna make themselves you know...well, given modern day technology, they MIGHT be able to but...anyway, I'm invoking the 'out' clause in our contract- no pun intended...."

"WHAT clause???"

"Check the fine print." Santas said as he handed CM a copy of the original contract that had setup the match....

CM mumbled as his eyes darted over the contract's details, finally reaching some rather small fine print at the bottom...; "substitute wrestler?? Why you slagging, no-good, piece of-"

"*AS* I said, a trivial little detail, really...."

Mallard and SS just looked at each other and shrugged....

"Hahaha...oh man...," CM laughed suddenly, "Sure, sure...bring someone in...by ALL MEANS...but honestly now, Santa...look around you! With the exceptions of those 2 guys sitting at that announcer's table, there's no-one left on OtakuWorld who could even DREAM of beating me, let alone put up a decent fight...ya got that? NO-ONE!!"

Then all hell broke loose...; "Good GOD, Cape-loser," came an amplified voice from behind the entrance area, "I was right all along...yer not only getting old...you're getting damn SENILE, too!"

SuperSteve reacted 1st; "You've got to be kidding me...is that-?"

CapeMike replied initially by just staring towards the curtains, then saying, "What the hell??"

"The last time I checked, man, my last name sure as HELL wasn't 'no-one'!"

'Stranglehold', by Ted Nugent blared out from the speakers around the stadium and the stadium erupted with noise as an ages old rivalry came full circle....

"RUBIOOUUUSSSSSSSSSSSS!!" CapeMike shrieked and whirled, ostensibly to blast Santa into his component particles, only to see the Jolly old elf already making his getaway as his sled swooped down and picked him up.

"Ho, ho, HO, sucka!" Santa called out, as a few elves in the sled chucked coal at a now fuming CM.

Mallard's lower bill crashed to the ground, taking a small chunk of the table with it as SuperSteve jumped to his feet and exclaimed, "If you'll excuse me for a few moments, Mallard...." The Super one ran to where Rubious was now standing just in front of the curtains and exchanged a high-five and some back-slapping with Rubious; "Sweet baby Jesus cookies on Christmas, man, where have YOU BEEN?!?"

The classic OSDF member, still in his 'OSDF 4 Life' t-shirt, just grinned; "Laying low, keeping an eye on things, and waiting for a chance to make CapeMike's life hell...well, I guess you can see how -that- turned out, man."

"We got a match for sure now!" SuperSteve said into his mic., then to Rubious; "Well, watch him...he's a lot more powerful than last time...and if all else fails, I think you know what to do my friend...."

Both of them suddenly shouted, "BREAK STUFF!!!", leapt into the nearby crowd, and began a brief but rather entertaning display of old-school NO-slaughter!

Rubious shortly was in the ring as SuperSteve made his way back to the announcer's table where Mallard was only now adjusting his lower bill back into place. The ducky one asked SS, "You think that was REALLY in the contract?"

"Either way, it served it's purpose...got him out of harm's way, and now, it's gonna get messy one way or another...."

"Just who's side are you on, anyway, and-....oh, wait...never mind...." Mallard said sheepishly.

Meanwhile, in the ring....

"So, Rubious...." CM said slowly, "Just where -have- you been cowering in fear, anyway?"

Their conversation was still being picked up by everyone watching as Rubious replied, "None of your freaking business cape-loser...."

"So just how, then, did Santa bilk you into this?"

"He didn't have to do much really...the hardest part was finding me...a...mutual associate of ours tipped him off, and when I got the call, I was only -too- happy to help him out...."

Once again, Zero sneezed once loudly, grinned, then continued watcing....

"You realize of course, you've got even less chance of winning than he did? At least he gets SOME excercise with all those chimneys and that bag...."

"Maybe...maybe not...." Rubious walked slowly around CapeMike, looking him over carefully; "Well at least you've gotten stronger...and probably smart enough not to let any of my old names for you piss you off."

"Good thing for YOU, at least." CapeMike said warily; "Now just shut up and lay down so I can pin you already!"

"You'll get yer chance to do that, CM...but before you do, I just have one question for you...." He got less than a foot from CM's face, made sure the mic. was working, then asked almost casually, "Where's Alex?"

The entire stadium went silent instantly and the silence could have probabaly been -heard- across and over OtakuWorld.... SuperSteve's jaw went slack for a moment and Mallard beat him to the reply....

"Oh. Shit."

TBC....

(1) Mix concept by me, actually mixed by Mallard.... See this link for the song itself: http://www.chaotique.com:8008/~magamo/otakumix.html
"Explosions solve EVERYTHING!!"

-Nabeshin, Excel Saga episode 26
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