In-"faux"-mercials (I apologize in advance)

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In-"faux"-mercials (I apologize in advance)

Postby Le Fae » Sat May 01, 2004 7:47 pm

I know we had a thread of ad apoofs going, but it seems to have been purged. Having realized this right after I came up with a good one, I decided to remedy the situation. So, without further ado, I present to you --

The Lightsaberâ„¢
(this product is not guaranteed, not licenced, and not endordsed by George Lucas, Lucasarts, miscellaneous Star Wars-related organizations and magazines, or SW-geeks)

Sleazy Spokes-droid: That's right folks -- you only thought it was just for slicing appendages off your opponents! This versatile tool is an absolute must-have for any household -- you can't live without it, and that's why we at Fluke-us Arts call it a "Life-Saver"!!

*canned laughter*

Sleazy Spokes-droid: Now, you've always known that it's a state-of-the-art personal defense device which packs easily into any purse, pocket, boot, or C-and-up cleavage -- but did you know that it's also a handy can opener!?

*Ooooh, aaaaahh!*

Sleazy Spokes-droid:Thaaaaat's right folks, just look at how easily it opens this can of bantha fodder! With a regular can opener, this chore can take you up to a full minute -- and let's face it folks, in today's busy galaxy, who has that kind of time!? But with the Lightsaberâ„¢, you can pop that top in no time flat! Think that's impressive? That's not all!!

*sounds of disbelief*

Sleazy Spokes-droid: Believe it, ladies, gentlemen, and Hutts! It's also a handy lock pick! Lost your keys? Locked yourself out of your landspeeder? Noooo problem -- just use your handy Lightsaberâ„¢ to slice through the lock -- or even through the door! It's magic!

*applause*

Sleazy Spokes-droid: But wait, there's more! Those are only two household tasks out of dozens made easier by this incredible time-saver!! Others include:
~ shaving
~ mowing your lawn
~ home-amputations
~ wood and metal projects -- never use a jigsaw again, folks!
~ slicing that Thanksgiving turley -- the easy way!
~ breaking and entering
~ trimming annoying relatives and in-laws "down to size" (heh-heh-heh)

*laughter*

Sleazy Spokes-droid: Now, you can expect to pay an arm and a leg for this amazing product -- but for a limited time only, we'll knock the price down to a pair of toes and a lifetime's service in the Kessel spice mines! A real bargain -- and if you call in the next 15 minutes, we'll even throw in a free medical kit!!

(We're sorry, but only Lego med-kits are available at the time. Please see a trained medical professional in case of accidental dismemberment.)

Sleazy Spokes-droid: So don't wait -- call now!!!!


Keep away from children, mothers-in-law, and overlords bent on galaxy domination. Fluke-us Arts is not responsible for physical damage, death, or criminal litigations resulting from use, proper or improper, of this product. Lifetime's servitude on Kessel is a binding contract, not subject to revisions, commutations, escapes, reports to authorities, or other means of evasion. Not available in CA or MA due to legal restrictions.
"That which is dreamed can never be lost, can never be undreamed."

XBL tag: Hitokage Rei. If you play H2 or DOAU, send me a friend request.
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Re: In-"faux"-mercials (I apologize in advance)

Postby Atticus Funt » Wed May 05, 2004 9:49 pm

Le Fae wrote:Sleazy Spokes-droid: ....it's a state-of-the-art personal defense device which packs easily into any purse, pocket, boot, or C-and-up cleavage...


Purse it is... :oops:

Your Sleazy Spokes-droid almost had me convinced Le Fae, but then I read the fine print. My room-mate has dated far too many overlords bent on galactic domination for me to be a truly safe Lightsaber owner...

(Fun commercial, Fae!)
Oh man, not her again!
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Re: In-"faux"-mercials (I apologize in advance)

Postby Sendaz » Thu May 06, 2004 9:35 pm

Atticus Funt wrote:
Le Fae wrote:Sleazy Spokes-droid: ....it's a state-of-the-art personal defense device which packs easily into any purse, pocket, boot, or C-and-up cleavage...


Purse it is... :oops:
Heh... When I saw this I suddenly had this mental image of Jedi Plumbers who carry their lightsaber around back where....well, you get the idea. :wink: :roll:

*now goes off to scrub his eyes with the scouring pad to try and rid himself of the image yet again*
Just biding my time til 2012 when the Ban is finally lifted and the Monkey Hunt can begin.
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Postby Le Fae » Fri May 07, 2004 9:58 am

:oops: Sorry... I didn't think that would be the part which would traumatize people :P :wink:
"That which is dreamed can never be lost, can never be undreamed."

XBL tag: Hitokage Rei. If you play H2 or DOAU, send me a friend request.
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