The Good, the Bird, and the L.U.G.y

[Sendaz]

The Savarha Desert, a vast expanse of land renowned for it's size and inhospitable terrain. Boiling one moment and freezing the next only to have months of drought broken by torrential downpours that dry up almost as fast as they stop, as many men have drowned as died of thirst within it's shifting borders. And yet, it holds an allure that mystifies us to this day.
During the last Great War this region was home to countless battles as nations of the world fought and bled in its hellish depths. Like an ocean, from time time the tides of sand recede revealing the ruins of those battles past, but the Savarha is a tempermental mistress, and keeps many secrets still. One of those was of the Schnitzelbuben Convoy.
Intended to provide a much needed boost to morale by bringing an assortment of cookies to stormtrooping desert tank battalions, an army of master bakers and their assistants worked their culinary magic around the clock to amass what could only be described in one rediscovered journal as "a veritable mountain of cookies of sublime delight". This treasure trove of tasty treats arrived at the edge of the Savarha where it was loaded onto a convoy of trucks and escorted by a small fleet of light desert assault vehicles into the sandy depths to bring a bit of Christmas cheer to the fighting men of the tanks divisions stationed there.

It never arrived.

Now, we are not suggesting that the downfall of the "Desert Lemur" and his forces could be blamed entirely on the mysterious vanishing of one convoy of cookies, but the subsequent blow to morale was indeed another nail in the coffin that already was fast closing on that doomed nation and their lofty dreams of world domination.

After the War, both sides opened their records for historians to pore over. Unified Forces records show no contact between their units and the convoy and certainly no soldier has ever come forward to brag about stopping such an important delivery for the opposition forces. Various nomadic tribes plying the sandy sea will tell you that SHE (the reverant honorific used when referring to the Desert by the superstitious locals) swallowed it whole.

Somewhere out there is a legendary hoard of hermetically sealed crates containing a king's ransom in cookies and nobody knows where it is......that is........until now........

((Heh......))

[Le Fae]

Narrator (back after a prolonged leave-of-absence, during which he almost mended his shattered nerves by the Ill-But-Not-Quite-Dead-Yet Sea):Le Fae, with Chi on her shoulder, are examining the latest notive on the ThunderDome Comunity Bulletin Board... Let's watch!

Le Fae: A most promising quest indeed... Perhaps this time we shall even get something out of it, aside from bruises and improbable vacation tales from Narrator

Chi: Twitter-squeak chip-chip cheeee... °

Le Fae: *ignoring the lemur for the moment* Ahh, this reminds me of the many evenings we spent at court, listening to the poets spill their honeyed phrase before the Faerie Court... Basking in warmth and companionship and barrels upon barrels of cheap ale... Seeing who can lob empty tankards at said poets with the greatest accuracy....

Narrator: With that, she perches precariously on the banister surrounding the now-empty battle-grounds, and begins to recite. Gods help us all.

Le Fae: *Oblivious, and obviously quoting*:

'I met a traveller from an antique land,
Who said -- "two vast and trunkless legs of stone
Stand in the desert ... near them, on the sand,
Half sunk a shattered visage lies, whose frown,
And wrinkled lips, and sneer of cold command,
Tell that its sculptor well those passions read
Which yet survive, stamped on these lifeless things,
The hand that mocked them, and the heart that fed;
And on the pedestal these words appear:
My name is Ozymandias, King of Kings,
Look on my Works ye Mighty, and despair!
Nothing beside remains. Round the decay
Of that colossal Wreck, boundless and bare
The lone and level sands stretch far away." --'

*sighs fondly* Ahh, those were the days. Dear Percy -- he was realy such a good sport about being beaned in the back of his head with a not-quite-empty tankard... Ah well, on to adventure!

Narrator: ...and thus the first LUG was off to prepare for battle: polish her blades, fletch her arrows, try to wriggle once more into armor that barely covers--

*THWACK*

Narrator: *reeling a little* Stupid monkey... Forgot about the stupid monkey.... Go sit now. Head hurt. Adventure soon. I hate my life. *thud*

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° Roughly translates to "You're telling me! At least you didn't almost get eaten by a giant spirit-snake with more fangs than manners! And much help you were in that, I might add. Darn flighty elf!"

Yeah, so it's a more concise language than most humanoid tongues. And for the record, I'm not an elf. Per se. Let's not get into fae taxonomy just now, mmkay?

[Atticus Funt]

Congrats Le Fae! First post! Very nice.
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Narratir: The soft thud of my brother's indecorous collapse echoes dimly through the deserted dome. Le Fae makes her way to her private Thunderdome chambers to make ready her vast expanse-

Chi: CHIIIIII?!

Narratir: -of weaponry! You gotta let me finish my sentences, you furry little goblin!

Chi: Chi!

Narratir: Yes! Now get! Go tell your mistress she wants you! *sigh*

The impish little furball scampers back up the railing to join Le Fae in making ready. Sometimes I'm pretty sure Nocturne has the absolutely right idea when it comes to that rat, a good swift kick woul-

Chi: TCH SQUEET SQUINK!!!!

Narratir: Ye gads! Such ears on that beast! You know I'm just kidding you lovable little demonic mussle frussle rassle frassle riff raffin...

The door to Le Fae's chamber closes with a solid thunk, leaving the Narratir free to resoundingly curse everything even remotely Lemur. However, just as he's ready to cut loose with cusssing streak that would make Jet Wolf blush, a sharp light is thrown across the Thunderdome floor, accompanied by the loud and baleful groan of the Dome's door's colossal iron-wrought hinges.

Atticus: Hullo?

Narratir: Atticus Funt, resident faux viking heroine, and champion Raptor Wrestler of Utah County, (see: Atticus Funt and the Dino-Death Dealers of Doom!) sets her bags down by the entrance and steps in.

Atticus: Oh! Hi Narratir. How're you doing?

Narratir: Hello Miss Funt! How did you know it was me and not one of my brothers?

Atticus: Um, that... referency... thing you do. How'd you know about the URW league?

Narratir: Trade secret. How's your arm? Atticus narrows her eyes suspiciously, wondering at the true depth of the Narratir's abilities.

Atticus: It's well, thank you. You guys can be pretty shuddersome sometimes, you know that?

Narratir: Yes indeedy!

Atticus: So am I the first back, or...

Narratir: Ms. Le Fae showed up about an hour or so ago, and I'm not sure if Mr. Sendaz actually ever leaves.

Atticus steps reaches into her jacket pocket and pulls out a folded, spindled and mutilated piece of paper.

Atticus: So this came in the mail to me, interestingly enough, delivered to me at a location nowhere near my home, at a place I wasn't even sure I would be at. Something about a desert and a shipment of cookies?

Narratir: Ah, yes, the famed and ill-fated Schnitzelbuben Convoy. (See: Hoffenfeffer Schnitzelbuben verses the Pasty-Faced Pastry-Race Ghouls of Flargh 7!)

Atticus: *smiling* How much of that stuff do you make up? Wait, never mind. I don't think I wanna know. Um, I'm going to go check the kitchen. Would you let me know when anybody else shows up, please? I'm excited to see the gang again. It feels like it's been forever.

Narratir: I most certainly will!

Atticus retrieves her bag from the door-way and makes a bee-line to the kitchen. Desiring only a glass of milk and possibly a bakers dozen of cookies, little does she know the horrors she will be witness to as she enters... The Pantry! (See: Atticus Funt and the Kitchen that the Narrators Have Been Using On and Off For the Last Few Months But Have Never Bothered to Clean!)

Atticus: Oh GROSS!

Narratir: Heh.

[Clang]

Frank:Walking toward the 'Doam is that plastic fellow with that puppet on his hand.

Clang:Hay-Hoo!!.... Almost there !....

Handy:gees, what the 'ell are you excited for its just cookies yer looking for

Clang:I know..... but it will be nice to see everyone again! Hee...I bet you would be into the search it if was lost shipment of beer.....

Handy:well no 'hit I mean who ever heard of military cookie convoy anyway

Clang:I was suspired at that too..usally it is beer.......beer and Playboy Mags that give that much needed moral boost to the fighting forces....

Handy: ya-da ya-da ya-da .. well count me outta this one plastic butt...

Chi: Chiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!

Frank: That little varmint leaps outta' nowhere and scares the bugaboos out me and it scitters around the Plastic mans' feet.

Clang:Chi! Good to see you, you little fuzz ball you! Is Le Fae near?

Chi: Chi!

Clang:I'll take that as a yes.... I wonder who else is here?

Frank: And as to answer his question, A mighty voice , A mighty upset and loud voice that is, tears across the 'Doam compound.

Atticus: Oh GROSS!!!!
(See: Atticus Funt and the Bathroom that the Narrators Have Been Using On and Off For the Last Few Months But Have Never Bothered to Clean!)

[Mtaal Avron]

Narrater: M’taal A'vron pads into the Thunderdome (as I follow, *yawn*) and enters the arena. Looking around at the empty stands and anterooms, she throws back her cloak, raises her paw into the air, and barks out...

Alright! What creep left this note about cookies in my underwear drawer!

Narrater: She glares around and notices Clang, Frank and Chi.

Clang: You...wear... underwear?

Narrater: The crazy plastic midget is shuffling around to lift up her cloak..!

What? I'm not always in this form. It's just that it's easier to come here pre-shifted. Long time no see little Lego dude. How ya been? No one's been yankin' off your little body parts have they? I know of a particularily bloodthirsty group of D&Der's that enjoy that sort of thing.

[Quästor]

Quästor: Yeah, they are amazingly racist these AD&Der's, I mean someone who plays a drow-highpriestress of Lolth the psychotic spider-godess-demon-thing should know better then to judge people by their hair-growth or their skin colour.

Narratur: Speaks Quästor whose skin-colour you will most likely find in books about skin-diseases. who comes shuffeling through the portal holding a small crate


Well hello everybody! I take it you got those notes about cookies also. I got mine when I was about to deliver an adress.


Clang *to Mtaal who is about to open her moth* Don't ask! I've seen him once. He's standing on dormitories yelling at the graves to get up to fight for their rights, instead of lying low.

Quästor: *while rumaging in his bag* Apropos adress would anyone be interessted in one of those brochures about the scandalous legal position of the dead.
For example in most countries people can to take all your belongings without being punished just because you are dead!


Narratur: He finally produces some leaflets, offering them with a hopeful smile.

[stargirl21]

Narratar: Stargirl adjusts the bag on her shoulder, walking onto the field of the arena. She looks around.

Stargirl: Hello?

Narratar: A small blue penguin looks out from behind her legs. In her hand, she holds a tomato.

Penguins!: Sendaaaaz! I have a gift with your name on it!

Stargirl: Sendaz! Your gift is a plump red tomato, so wherever you are, find some protection...or some ammunition

Penguins!: Hey!

Narratar: At this exclamation, a tomato flies through the air and hits Stargirl in the head. Stargirl launches her own attack of produce products from her backpack. The small penguin runs for cover behind a bleacher.Hey! Watch it! Don't hit me!

(hopefully a good start ^_^)

-sar

[Bunny M]

Narratyr: All of a sudden, a circle of ground in the middle of the arena begins to change colour. From its usual dusty shade, it darkens, turning first black, then brightening to adark green, and continues through several ever brighter hues until it glows with an almost eye-searing light.

As it does so, it begins to bulge upwards, slowly at first, until it peaks in a dome roughly six feet high. Then, with a mercifull brief flash of lights, it vanishes, leaving Bunny M standing there upon the once more unmarked ground. He then tsks to himself and brushes off some of the dust that has settled upon his coat as he looks about at the rest of the 'Dome.

Bunny M: Greetings all. I gather the rest of you also got a mysterious note about a certain long lost cookie conv-

Narratyr: He breaks off suddenly as a somewhat squishy tomato comes flying out of the bleachers to one side of him, forcing the lapine to dodge, not entirely successfully.

Bunny M: Gah! Yuck!

Narratyr: The rabbit grumbles to himself as he attempts to remove the tomato pulp from within one of his long, white ears, once again, not entirely successfully.

Bunny M: Argh! Do you have any idea how hard it is keeping my fur this white already? I don't need even more trouble. Not to mention just how unpleasant having tomato pulp in one of your ears is.

Narratyr:The somewhat less-natty fellow looks around for the culprit, with a rather peeved expression on his face.

Bunny M: Penguins!!! I'm going to.....

Narratyr: He breaks off in confusion as he spots the offending avian, only to realise that although she is indeed in the bleachers, and has an example of the incriminating fruit poised to throw, she is also, in fact, nowhere near where the suprise missile came from.

Bunny M: Huh? Wha-?

Narratyr: He comments concisely, as another squishy tomato comes barreling out of yet another darkened corner of the 'Dome.

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Well, here's my first effort for this new adventure. Hope you all like it, and don't find it too hard on the eyes.

I also hope I haven't stolen anyone's Narrat*r.

Oh, and the hexcode for my new colour is: #008000.

[Mtaal Avron]

M'taal A'vron: Hey now!

Narrater: M'taal ducks and throws back her cloak, reaching into her belt pouch and pulling out a small, tomato-like fruit.

M'taal: Let's how you fare againt one of my tomatoes!

Narrater: She winds up.... takes aim... and...!

SPLAT!

M'taal: Yuck!

Narrater: ... drops her tomato so she can wipe another one off of her face.

M'taal: Alright, what coward threw that?!

[Sendaz]

((Not a prob, Bunny M.... the narrat*r are fairly interchangable, plus they have alot of kin....
P.S. trying a new shade.... #57AD00.. aye or nay?))
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Narrator: A loud chuckle echoes through the 'Dome as a familiar size 130 scaly paw steps from the shadowy tunnel to the locker room. The rest of the dragon's bulk.....

Sendaz: Excuse me? BULK?!?

Narrator: Well you could stand losing a few pounds tub--

*FFWWWOOOOOOOMM*

Narrator: -by! *thump*

Le Narrateur: Sacre Bleu! Ze Dragon...he dun crispied ze poor Narrator....Oh ze humanity!!

Sendaz: Oh please, he will bounce right back...

Le Narrateur: Oh oui, zat est correct.

Sendaz: Well? *taps his foot*

Le Narrateur: Ze Dragon, he steps out from ze shadows wid a odd looking contrapshiun........

Sendaz: Now where was I? Oh yes, sorry about that Bunny M, Mtaal.... couldn't resist testing out the new toy sent up from R&D... The TTC!

Handy: And that would be what? I mean, if it doesn't serve beer, I don't give a flying F-

*The sock gets cut off as Clang clamps a plastic hand over his sock-clad one*

Clang: Don't mind him, he hasn't had his coffee yet....

Sendaz: As I was saying... this little toy is the TTC, the Turbo Tomato Cannon.

Penguins!: MINE!! I want one! I want one! Gimmegimmegimme

*The little penguins dashes around Sendaz, waving her wings excitedly while the Dragon holds the device well out of her reach with one claw.*

Sendaz: I don't think that would be a good idea, indeed I had the lab whip this up in case you go off on one of your flinging binges so I could fight back....

Penguins: But I promise I wouldn't misuse it..... pleeeeeeeeese

Sendaz: No.

Penguins: Awwwwwwwww

Sendaz: Now to the matter at hand......

*Sendaz pulls out a remote control and hits a few buttons. From the floor rises a massive viewscreen which flickers to life, showing a map of the Dark Continent and focusing on the Savarha Desert region.*

Handy: Could of used this during the Super Bowl

Clang: Shhhhhh.....

Sendaz: A recent expedition into the region has turned up some relics from the last Great War, which it had sent to the Historical Society for cataloging as the dig was more concerned with more ancient finds. My contacts at the Society, however, alerted me to this....

*hits the clicker and a battered cloth patch appears*

Sendaz: THIS caught my associate's eye.

Quästor: This is Bermanic.... 31. Viertelmeister? Sendaz... This is just a quartermaster unit. They hauled supplies to the troops during the War.

Sendaz: Indeed, but the 31st was for the most part limited to hauling within Bermany itself to the elite State Guard stationed there, except for one particular mission.

Bunny M: Let me guess.... the Schnitzelbuben Convoy?

Sendaz: Give the furball a carrot, or maybe in this case... a cookie. My friends, I am proposing mounting a little expedition to go down there and taking a deeper look into this matter.

Mtaal: But isn't there already a group down there? I mean, why not let them dig it up?

Sendaz: An excellant question, but No. The expedition has been poking around in likely spots, doing sample digs and moving on if it doesn't look to likely a site. This patch turned up at one of the sites turned down for further digging, but we don't know which one. Archeology can be cut-throat and many of the expedition leaders keep exact co-ordinates encrypted so rivals don't get a jump on their digs. As such, the Society was not informed of the exact location at this time, and I did not want to raise suspicions as to the value of the site by asking for the exact location myself.
I am arranging for mundane transporation as Ninetails is still incommudicado and as such we don't have access to her MoonPortal.

Handy: And a good thing too! I remember what happened last time she used that moon-thingie!

Everyone:SSHHHHHHHH

Handy: *grumbles* don't shush me.... *grumbles* nobody listens to the sock... oh no....*grumbles* why I aughta.....

[Sendaz]: *coughs* Anyway... You'll be flying into Kairyo International Airport in Hegypt. There you will be met by a Mr. Drake, my associate there who should have land transportation set up for your journey into the Savarha. From there you will locate and hook up with the expedition, procure the co-ordinates of the site from which this patch came, and proceed from there. With luck, you might find more clues as to the final resting place of the Convoy.

Any questions?