Regaining Faith -- A Xander story

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Regaining Faith -- A Xander story

Postby WillowLuver » Sat Nov 10, 2007 3:45 pm

About a week ago an idea hit me, and with the help of my beta, this is what came out. My first post-chosen fic, so be gentle.


Part 1 : Apologies


Faith sat cross-legged on the bed in her room, thinking. If someone had told her a few years ago that she’d be living in the same house as The Scoobies, Andrew and a couple of slayers, she’d have either laughed or flipped them the bird. Now it was reality, even though soon a lot of them would leave. It had been several weeks now since the destruction of Sunnydale, and for her, these weeks had been almost as intense as the fight against the First Evil. She had had long talks with Buffy, Willow, Dawn and Giles. She had never been good at talking, especially if it included apologizing, but it was part of her quest for redemption, and she knew she needed it. Those talks had been long overdue.

The talk with Red had been the easiest; the witch had gone psycho herself and therefore had forgiven her pretty quickly. Pipsqueak had been more difficult; she was still very protective of her family, but in the end had agreed to give her another chance. G had given her a long talk about what he’d been like during his time as ‘Ripper’ and then forgiven her almost as quickly as Red, saying something about seeing the change in her. B had been strangely serene during their conversation, which had been somewhat unnerving, but they’d made their peace after several long hours of talking. Faith still couldn’t believe that B had actually forgiven her in the end.

While Faith was immensely grateful and happy that she’d been able to repair at least some of the damage she’d caused during her rampages in Sunnyhell, there was still one person on her list of people she needed to talk to: Xander Harris. Ironically enough, of everyone on her list, the one-eyed carpenter was the one she was most afraid of. She had scolded and laughed at herself for that, but she couldn’t help it. The least powerful or dangerous of them all, the ‘one who sees’, was the one who had tried to help her the most back in the day, and for that alone she respected him greatly. Add to that that he’d fought the good fight for seven years without any supernatural power of his own, not even letting the loss of his eye keep him from the final battle, and her respect for him had grown to enormous proportions. Faith had met many guys in her life, but Xander Harris was the most special guy she knew, completely unlike all the others, and she couldn’t help but yearn for his approval. That was what made her so afraid: She could have handled rejection from B, Red, G or Pipsqueak, knowing that she more than deserved it, but she knew she wouldn’t be able to deal if X rejected her.

Then there was another reason that kept her from talking to him: The few times she had seen him since their departure from what used to be Sunnydale, he had appeared to be in an almost zombie-like state, with little to no emotion showing. Xander had secluded himself from the rest of them, and it worried her. X had never been one to keep to himself; he was a group person. He liked to talk to people, to be in the company of others, but now he left his room only when absolutely necessary.

She knew Red hat tried to talk to him, as had Pipsqueak. She also knew they’d failed. Giles had been rather busy, having several long talks himself, most of which with Buffy. The senior slayer herself had made one half-hearted attempt to speak with him, one which Faith had accidentally witnessed, but Xander had blocked it quickly. The disappointed flicker in Buffy’s eyes had told Faith everything she needed to know: B felt responsible for Xander’s injury, and his quick dismissal had made her feel like he blamed her, too. The sad thing was Faith blamed herself for it as well. Xander had been part of her team, and she should have made sure that everyone of her team was out of the vineyard before retreating herself. She hadn’t done that, and Xander had been caught by Caleb when he saved Kennedy, because that’s just like Xander: always thinking of the others first. And for that, he had paid with his left eye.

Faith felt her eyes grow moist at that thought and angrily wiped at her eyes. Why Xander? Of everyone in Sunnydale, he was the only one without a dark past: Giles had been Ripper, Willow had turned all black-eyed baddie, Spike had been a soulless demon, Dawn had been a thief (although she was still pretty close to Xander in the innocence ranking), Andrew had been evil of sorts, Anya had been a vengeance demon, Buffy had made her mistakes and been a selfish bitch, she herself had gone bad and worked for evil… but not Xander. He’d been the one keeping the group together, helping out wherever he could, lightening the mood with his antics; he’d been the heart. It just wasn’t fair that with all the people that would have deserved being mutilated like that, it had been him to get grabbed by Caleb when he was the one who really didn’t deserve it. And now he spent all his time in his room, alone.

“You should try talking to him.â€
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Postby Akeela » Sat Nov 10, 2007 10:14 pm

Oh-ho, the "Who Lost Faith" discussion brought to life!
(From Buffy 3x17 Enemies in "Must Be Tuesday.")
More graspable comin' from th' horses' mouths
Than us just kickin' notions around.
Th' play's th' thing, yes?
'Tis a fun read ....
To my thinkin'
Write on
Please

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Postby Angel0573 » Sun Nov 11, 2007 1:02 am

Akeela wrote:Oh-ho, the "Who Lost Faith" discussion brought to life!
Write on
Please

A
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E E L A


Yes, please do it! :D :D
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Postby WillowLuver » Sat Nov 17, 2007 12:27 pm

Here's part two!

~

Part 2 :Two Talks


Xander Harris took a deep breath and let it out in a kind of a semi-sigh.

Ever since the destruction of Sunnydale, he had pretty much secluded himself, mourning, moping and thinking. He’d been surprised to find that Anya’s death affected him less than he’d expected it would, and somehow he felt like he was in the wrong because of that, like he should feel more miserable. To add to that, the fact that he’d lost his left eye and all the consequences that came with that had finally completely sunk in. He had needed time to deal with all that, and he’d taken it, for once ignoring his friends and everyone else. A lot of new slayers had arrived in the meantime, and he felt pretty ashamed when he realized he didn’t even know the names of most of them.

It had been his talk with Faith that had finally brought him out of his self-imposed seclusion. Xander had never seen Faith open up and drop all the mental walls she had erected to protect herself, but she had done so for him, to hopefully gain some sort of forgiveness from him. In doing so, she had left herself completely vulnerable, something he would’ve never thought he’d live to see, and it had made quite an impression. In that particular moment, Xander Harris had truly and fully returned to the world of the living, not only offering his forgiveness and friendship, but asking for hers as well.

That had been only yesterday.

This morning, Xander had for the first time attended general breakfast. No sooner had he entered the dining hall than he’d almost been tackled by Willow, who literally jumped at him when she saw him. His best friend in the world had almost drowned him in a flood of words, repeating over and over how happy she was to see him out of his room and that she’d be there if he needed to talk.

Once Willow had calmed down enough to be led to her seat by Kennedy, who merely smiled at Xander, saying, “good to have you backâ€
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Postby Akeela » Mon Nov 19, 2007 2:21 pm

How is it?
Lemmie put it this way
IF I read it enough times I MAY forgive him for what he did in "Hells Bells."

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