FW: I needed to do this (Buffyverse reflections and a poem)

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FW: I needed to do this (Buffyverse reflections and a poem)

Postby Kerkevik » Sun Jun 14, 2009 10:35 am


two nights ago now, my brother-in-law, Lindsay Martin, passed away in his sleep at the age of sixty-five. Below is a poem written by his son, my nephew, Robert. He can be a very quiet young man, hard to gauge in his feelings, or opinions but I've always thought that he had the soul of a creator; a poet. I only wish I could find words to express my feelings for my own father, without being drawn in to bitterness and hatred; or my mother, without my words being coloured by disappointment that she was unable to escape the strictures of a miserable marriage (or so it seemed to me).

Anyway, I also wanted to say that, as soon as I got home after paying my respects to Robert and his mother, my elder sister Marlene (who will now 'celebrate' her fortieth wedding anniversary, at the end of July, alone) - what did I do?

I plunged into nearly three hours of watching season four, and five Buffy episodes. Specifically a heavily Tara-influenced arc - Wild At Heart; Hush & New Moon Rising, from Season four; Family & The Body, from Season Five. The first doesn't have Tara as a character (though, for me, she's in every scene, in spirit), and the last is all about Joyce, Buffy & Dawn, but here Tara is the character who, as the most apparent outsider of all the characters, is the one who expresses best the absolute impotence we all face in Death's oncoming rush.

All she can do is comfort Willow with a kiss; Xander with a barely heard, "It hurts."; a brief stroke of Dawn's arm and, most crucially for me, an exchange which, I believe, begins to set Buffy on the road to dealing, in a personal sense, with the loss of all the old certainties that her mother's presence held for her.

At the end of this post are a series of stories, all of which have strongly affected me over the years, all connected strongly with my conflicted feelings about my own parents; about Lindsay too, who never really knew how to deal with someone who, most certainly, never met with his expectations of what a Man should be but who, nevertheless, I liked and respected a great deal. The story by Annakovsky is the version which contains a commentary, so I have posted that link; the last is also the most recent, and really should be an official rec, but is included here for the simple reason that, last night, while I was watching The Body, it was, together with the other fics I've posted links to, very much on my mind.

Of course, all that would be nothing without the world that Joss Whedon created in the first place so, to him, but to all the other authors also, my everlasting gratitude.

I hope you enjoy the poem - if that is the right word.

Still under Willow & Tara's spell,

----- Forwarded Message ----
From: Robert Martin <psychorob1>
To: Marcia Moore <marzipan1uk>; prattman <kerkevik>
Sent: Sunday, 14 June, 2009 12:09:47 AM
Subject: i needed to do this

my intention here was not to make anyone depressed, but i felt that for myself at least i had to say something and i can honestly say it really helped to write this, and i hope that it can bring some degree of comfort to someone, anyone, everyone.

i know i'm not original in having lost someone or wondering if i could have done more, or all the other stages that we have to go through.

at this point i'll just end up rambling on, so if you want to read on, please do, and if you don't i will not be offended, i mostly did this for me and dad.

A ‘Top Gun’ presentation

In association with ‘Crazy House/Weird Wind’ productions

Proudly presents

A ‘Robert Martin’ original

‘For Dad’

For 28 years I knew you

It’ll never be enough

But I will cherish all of it

Every ounce of love

Even through the bad times

When I must have caused you tears

I know it was because you cared

Because you had your fears

But I know I’ll do good

It just won’t be right now

Even if it is too late

I want to do you proud

So sometime in the future

When the pain is less

I make this promise to you now

I will do my best

Because you are a great man

To me one of the best

Of course you have your flaws

But it’s time to let that rest

I have to let you go now

But never all the way

Because forever in my heart

You will always stay

I’ll see you again someday, but I’ve got a lot to do first.

Silence, Sounds of by whichwitch666

Short Circuit by m_phoenix
http://community.livejournal.com/hyperi ... tml#cutid1

The World Weary Rejoicing by Annakovsky

The Girl with Kaliedoscope Eyesby Kyra Cullinan
http://spacetart.tripod.com/sapphicslay ... eeyes.html

(metem) psychosis by mabus101
Mirror mirror on the wall
Listen to my story
Tell me who I am
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Location: Scotland

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