Reviewed Monday, 7 January 2000
The show opens with Zeus waxing philosophical and chatting up the fates. It seems he's turned up for his scheduled "So, how's that life line looking?" session, and they assure him that he will remain surpreme, just as he has since time began. Well, excepting the birth of a kid not begotten by man. And did we mention that day's just around the corner? Perhaps of little surprise, Zeus has no plans to go gently into that good night and I suppose that, having always been the master of fate, he can declare such things.
Meanwhile, in an area actually possessing illumination, Xena beckons Gabrielle over to feel her baby getting in some early morning martial arts practice. "Just like Mom," Gabby grins. Apparently the night was an eventful one for Gabby in the land of nod, and she dreamt both of them were giving birth to the baby. A nice sentiment, but unless Gabby can share the labour pains as well, Xena's not interested. Their heart to heart on how the kid is going to change their lives is rudely interrupted by a lock-shorn Hercules, who congratulates Gabby on her equally short 'do and gives Xena a stuffed three-headed serpent named Iolas. It squeaks. If there are any toy makers in the audience, I want one.
Proving that Greeks are lacking in the manners department, the trio's reunion is crashed by a dozen interestingly dressed goons who appear to have a penchant for metal, both as a garment and as a larynx. Much fighting ensues. Using their individual methods of information gathering, Herc and Xena ask in unison "Who sent you?!" Turns out Zeus has managed to find out which woman is up the proverbial duff in a less than natural way, and has dispatched the Metal Gear Solid team to eliminate the child.
Cue opening sequence.
Back at camp, Gabby wonders what Zeus has against the unborn anyway, but Xena doesn't plan to hang around and ask him. As Gabby packs up, one of the guards stirs, and his unfriendly moves towards the bard irritate Xena, so the 12 are reduced to 11. Unfortunately, this wasn't the smartest thing Xena could've done, as these are "Proxidicai," Zeus' secret guard, and apparently, when you kill one, the others get stronger. Nice of Herc to clue everybody in during the FIRST battle, but no matter. The group flees from this Hydra-like guard and attempt to gather their thoughts.
What's the best way to avoid being seen? Well, yes, not to stand up, obviously, but besides that, invisibilty seems a great way to go, and Xena plans to pay Hades a visit and snatch his helm. Big problem, though: If she gives birth in the Underworld, the child will be stillborn. Xena's got that look in her eye, though, and it's all Herc can do to convince her let him have a chat with his father before signing Zeus' death warrant. Barring that, a good way out of this prediciment is the remains of that ancient Titan, Chronos, whose ribs can--you guessed it--kill a god. No mortal has ever found the remains, but Xena thinks Herc has a pretty good shot at it.
Xena and Gabby return to the backwaters (literally) entrance to Tartarus, but before they go for a swim, Xena spends a few moments worrying about her child's future, feeling more than a little guilty about Solan's untimely dimise. "We both have regrets about Solan," Gabrielle reassures her, and pledges that they will both dedicate their lives to making this child happy.
In a temple somewhere, Herc calls out angrily for Zeus to appear, which he does with the loving greeting of "You don't understand, Xena's child is an abomination." Hera is also there, and agrees with Zeus, but for some reason, Hercules has trouble believing that the couple would tell him the truth. Revealing that the birth of Xena's child with herald the death of the Greek gods does little to convince Herc that the mudrer of an innocent child is the right course of action, and when reminding Herc that he, too, has immortal blood running through his veins and might be targeted by the Fate's prophecy doesn't work either, Zeus resorts to thinly veiled threats. "I don't think that I'll be calling you father anymore," Herc spits at Zeus, and leaves. Watching him go, Hera says that perhaps this is just their time, but Zeus will hear none of it.
After a bumpy landing in Tartarus, Xena and Gabby hide from the Proxidicai.
Zeus goes to visit Ares, much to Ares' surprise. He quickly cuts through his father's sweet talk and discovers that Zeus wants Ares to keep Hercules busy while he takes care of Xena. Ares wants no part of Zeus' plan ... unless, of course, Zeus cares to make a deal: No watching and no interferance while the two brothers go at it. Some angry words are exchanged, but ultimately, Zeus choses preservation over family ties, and gives the okay.
With his trademark Ares flair, the god of war appears to Hercules, and after a few verbal slings, the fire flies. But then, just to make things interesting, Hera shows up, and both she and Ares charge up their powerballs.
The commercial break ends with Hera flinging her ball at Ares, knocking the god on his ass and out of conciousness. "You're in the forest of the Titans," she tells Herc. "And I know why."
Tartarus proves why it's not the country's most popular tourist spot as Xena and Gabby pass rows and rows of coccoon-like casings, each containing a soul "doomed to spend the rest of eternity watching the lives they left behind." They plan to make it a short trip, when something catches Xena's ear - her own voice. She turns and checks out the wall o' memories, and sees herself telling someone to come out of a tree ... She turns to find Solan surrounded by green threads and not looking his best, generally speaking, but with a few Chakram swings, he's out and in her arms. Turns out that Solan didn't want to go to the Elysian Fields, since if he did, he'd never see Xena again. Xena appreciates the gesture, but can't leave him there, so once they get the helmet, she's taking Solan to the Fields where he belongs.
Hera wants to help. Hercules continues to have trouble taking her at her word, even when she says she knows what he's looking for.
Amid the unsettling screams of the dead, Xena, Gabby and Solan hide from more guards. Gab conveniently runs off to scout ahead, leaving Xena and Solan behind to settle a few things, not the least of which being the fact that she will never forget him and will always love him, despite what he thinks will happen when the new child arrives, and that he being born so wonderful, she knew she couldn't be all bad.
The helmet is finally reached ... alone, unguarded, and suspiciously easy to grab. The trio enter cautiously, but Hades and the Proxies appear and surround them. After the commercials, Hades tries to make a deal with Xena - surrender, and Gabbie is free to go and Solan will have a royal escort to the Fields. No dice, and more fighting breaks out. I guess if you're going to die somewhere, Tartarus is the place to do it; at least you won't have a long trip to your final resting place. Xena and Gabby are holding their own, when Gabby makes a dash for the helm and puts it on. Invisible, she has a distinct advantage, and beats up the guards quite nicely while Xena and Solan run.
Hera and Hercules are strolling through the forest and she fills him in on a bit of history mortals have never been privvy to before now. Shame it wasn't more interesting, having been a secret for so long and all. Herc still questions why Hera is siding with him and humanity, and she reveals that once she got over her hatred for mortals and their husband-tempting ways, she realized that they were her favourite of all creations, and she finally earns Herc's trust, at least minimally.
Sadly, Ares doesn't fare as well against the king of the gods, who is righteously peeved that Ares has failed. Zeus finds out that Hera is helping Hercules, and quickly puts two and two together.
Next stop, the remains of Chronos. Herc says that he can't forgive Hera for killing his family, but he's grateful for her help.
Xena and Solan flee through the tunnels of the Underworld, and right into Ares. He has no powers there, he just wants to talk, but Xena's not too interested in hearing what he has to say, especially when he says he wants to protect a child that will destroy the gods. Ares seems to have a plan, though, and it involes him becoming mortal, but he'll want a partner to live out his life with, and wonders if Xena would like the job. She challenges him to say the he loves her, but he can't, so she wipes her hands of him. "It was worth a shot," he says, right before saying to her retreating back that he loves her.
The entrance to the Fields is guarded, the newly visible Gabby reports the Proxies are everywhere, and Xena starts to have contractions. All in all, they've seen better days. Xena gets the helmet and gives it to Solan, telling him to put it on when she gives the word and to run for the gap. With a brief but emotional goodbye, including Solan whispering something in his mother's ear, Gabby and Xena battle the Proxies once again. Hades hurls a fireball, and Xena reflects it back at him with her Chakram, knocking him out. Solan calls to Xena from the fields and she says goodbye to him again. He runs off happily after she promises to see him again soon, just in time for labour to set in, and heavily so.
Post-commercial, Gabby barely gets Xena out of Tartarus before more Proxies burst out of the nearby trees (one must assume at this stage that there are many more of these things than the initially established 12). Xena's got enough on her mind, what with child birth being imminent and all, so Gabrielle runs to meet them.
The Fates do their little Fate thing in front of a giant Hoberman Sphere.
Hercules, Tomb Raider. He breaks into Chronos' giant sarcophagus and wonders what the catch to getting the bone is. "Only immortal arms can lift the bones of a Titan," Hera explains. "They need no other protection." Except from Zeus, that is, who offers them one more chance to change their minds and then attacks. Hera takes him out and sends Hercules to find Xena and protect her. "He'll kill you if he has to," says Herc, but Hera believes she can handle her husband.
Xena and Gabby are, surprise surprise, fighting those damnably prolific members of Zeus' secret police when Herc shows up and starts taking them out right and left, since the rib bone will kill the Proxies without powering up their brethren. He throws it to Xena, who gets a few kills added to her already impressive score sheet before labour kicks into full gear and she cries out for Gabrielle.
Zeus is pissed. He's disappointed in Hera, but she says it's the first thing she's done right in an eternity. "And the last," Zeus replies, as he draws her close for a tender kiss. The two are swept up in a sudden cyclone, there's a flash, and when the dust settles, Zeus is alone.
More Fate-like stuff.
Xena runs until the contractions become too intense and they have to stop. Herc dashes off to patrol for Zeus and Xena urges Gabrielle to run so she won't get caught in the crossfire. Gab's here to the end, though, and pleads with Xena to be quiet.
Zeus appears and immediately disarms Herc, who predicts that this isn't going to end well for either of them.
Labour pains. Herc vs Zeus. Labour. Battle. Labour. Battle. You get the drift here.
Zeus manages to get the better of Herc and moves towards Xena as the baby is emerging. He powers up a thunderbolt and is tackled by Hercules. He has a rib, and he's not afraid to use it.
The earth trembles. Hades looks worried. Thunder rolls. It's a girl.
Zeus and Hercules say their goodbyes. Herc cries and Zeus dissipates into smoke. Herc calls him father.
The world shakes again, and when it subsides, Ares looks at his still-existing body with surprise and cocks an eyebrow at the Fates.
An introspective Herc sits with the proud new parents. Xena says the baby's name is Eve, given by Solan in Tartarus. Herc and Gabrielle wander off, leaving Xena alone with her daughter and memories of her son.
What an excellent promo this episode had. At the end of the previous week, I was really looking forward to this one. Lots of action, more than a little drama, and I wasn't at all sure how they were going wrap up this pesky gods thing, so all in all, I was anticipating a good ride. Which I got. For the first 20 minutes or so, until they played the promo for NEXT week's episode ... "Blamed for the death of Zeus--" AAARRGG!!!
Why oh WHY can't they make an effort to eliminate spoilers in teasers?! Or at the very least, save them for times when it doesn't much matter anymore. If they'd played that at the END of the epsiode, I wouldn't have had a problem, but instead, a - and quite possibly the - major plot point and climactic moment (sans birth) is ruined for all before we've even gotten started. I don't know who writes these things, but they need to be shot through the head, or at the very least, given a major wedgie.
That aside (and it's not an easy thing to put aside, I assure you. Have I mentioned how much I loathe spoilers?), it wasn't a bad episode, although I have some gripes with it. It was neat to see Kevin Sorbo reprise his role, and it looked like he and Lucy were really enjoying themselves there for a while. Xena's finally given birth, and that can hardly be a bad thing. I also enjoyed Ares' bits, but that's pretty much a given. Outside of that ... eh. It was an average episode, post-spoiler.
Three Squeaky Iolas Plushies out of Five |
Ahh nitpicking, one of my all-time favourite activities.
The Proxidicai. YAWN. Sorry, I just wasn't buying these guys as a huge threat. Their asses got trounced more times than Joxer usually has to deal with in an episode, and with relatively little problem. A kick here, a punch there, and they're out. If I were Zeus, I'd put out an ad for a more special secret guard ... well, if I were Zeus and still alive, anyway.
Xena's insensitivity. Yes, she's pregnant. Yes, she and her unborn child are being threatened AGAIN. Yes, Zeus is a formidible enemy. But even with all these things and more on her mind, I was really put out with Xena's attitude towards Hercules in regards to Zeus. I'm well aware that Herc and his father haven't had the smoothest of relationships, but that doesn't change their bond. The fact that Herc actually had to convince Xena to let him talk to Zeus before she hunted him down was disturbing, not to mention the way she kinda-sorta manipulates him into going to get the instrument of his father's destruction. And then thinly veiled threats? Come on. Not only should Xena expect Hercules to do the right thing no matter WHO is involved, but she owes him that much. After all, who saved whose soul, hm? Hercules has never given Xena any reason to doubt that he wouldn't do what was right. His pledge was heartfelt, but it should've been unnecessary.
Bone dry. I could be forgetting something, but the last time Xena used the lake entrance to Tartarus, wasn't she mildly damp, if not drenched, from her swim?
Tartarus coccoons. Wug? We've been treated to several trips to the Underworld and back, where the heck did these come from? Did the new Hades decide to remodel or something? Did the writer see What Dreams May Come? And what was up with the video screen, projecting everyone's memories for the world to see? Is that normal, so that passersby can watch a life or two and then go back to whatever they were doing? I wasn't aware there were that many interested parties wandering around Tartarus to take advantage. Or was Xena a rare case and able to see them because of her bond with Solan? Either way, with no previous Xenaverse mention and no grounding in Greek Mythology that I'm aware of (and let me state right now that I'm no expert), it felt like what it probably was - a contrived plot point.
Ignorance is bliss. Now is it just me, or does the paradise of the Elysian Fields not seem too much like paradise to you either? It felt more like a lobotomy you'd see in One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest than the final resting place for heroes. A friend pointed out that to the escapist greeks, that WAS paradise, and perhaps so, but that doesn't seem to fit in with what we've been shown in the Xenaverse thus far. Both Marcus (who, admittedly, wasn't in the Fields to start with, but wound up there and seemed to be quite cognizant during his chat with Xena) and Callisto's mother (whom I would assume is in the fields if Solan can be. Both did equally as little and died wrongly) knew enough of what was going on to say something besides "When are you coming home?" As with the coccoon problem above, it felt like an easy way to "settle" the issue of a new child with Xena's old one, and pre-absolve her of any guilt she might have felt at a later date.
Brothers. "My brother's kingdom, I have no powers." What Ares says to Xena to calm her when he appears in Tartarus. All well and good, but last time I checked, Hades was Ares' UNCLE. I know the Olympian timeline crosses more than the locals' in Deliverance, but come on. That's just sloppy, people.
The Power to Kill a God. Season Five is only 12 episodes long thus far, and already a fourth of them have given us "new and exciting" ways to bump of those irritating omnipotent beings. Chakram of Light. Dagger of Helios. Rib of Chronos. Not to mention the previous Hind's Blood (in dagger form and straight shots), and anything that I either haven't seen yet or have forgotten about. You know, if I were all-powerful and wished to remain so, I'd have invested a little bit of time in procuring these trinkets or buying better security systems, because obviously they're FAR too easy to get ahold of. And as for Xena, why on earth don't you HOLD ON to one of these things when you get them?! It's not like being harassed by some god or another is a rare occurance. Insurance, girl, insurance.
Where be the Mighty One? He's been stuck to them like glue for most of the season and has, in many ways, been more supportive of Xena's pregnancy than Gabby herself ... so where the heck was Joxer for the birth? I find it hard to believe he'd have found something more important to do with the due date so imminent. I believe he'll be appearing next episode, so I hope there's a good reason for it, because I felt Joxer really had a right to be there. Hm, Argo too, now that I think about it.
Wimpy-ass Immortals. Ares taken down with one blast from Hera. Hades knocked out with a reflected blast from himself. Hera destroyed in about 2 seconds. Zeus run through with relative ease for being the king of the gods. You know, I think it IS time for the Olympians to step down if this is the caliber of divinity ruling the world.
Squeaky Iolas. I'm serious, I want one of these.
"You selfish pup!" I don't know why exactly, but I got a kick out of Zeus bringing Herc to heel, so to speak.
"You've always held a special place in my heart, Hercules. But it's a place that can just as easily be filled by your loving memory!" Ouch. Score one for daddy.
Zeus visiting Ares. The contempt was palpable, sibling jealousy rears its ugly head, and Ares surprises me by not going the way of self-preservation. Great quotes:
Ares vs. Herc. FEEL the hatred. I haven't watched a lot of Hercules, I admit, but the scenes between these two rarely seem quite this charged. I guess baby killing is sitting badly for everybody. I was going to do a set of quotes for this scene as well, but would've wound up transcripting pretty much the entire thing, so just trust me - it's good, and worth seeing for Hercules' sneering contempt, if nothing else.
The Strong Arm of the Law. The ease in which Zeus manhandles Ares, holding him aloft one-handedly with no effort was beauifully done. Ares is the god we know best from our time with Xena, and that includes how powerful he is. Seeing Zeus treat him as though he weighed no more than Squeaky Iolas was a very subtle way of reminding us that although Zeus looks like an old man, he's king for a reason.
"She's a WOMAN! Whatever you're thinking, you're probably right." Ares to Zeus as he considers what Hera's up to.
Ares' proposal. Wow. Didn't see that coming. Lots of questions raised, not the least of which being "Just what is Ares up to?" Lucy's reactions are, as always, a treat to watch. From incredulous to utter disgust, with just a hint of fear that Ares might be serious as she challenges him to say that he loves her.
Death of Hera. You've gotta think that the only reason Zeus got rid of her so easily is because she let him, but regardless, kudos to Flat Earth. Those people sure know how to make a body vanish. Nice effect, Zeus' hair still whipping around.
"Gabrielle, listen to me. I want you to get outta here." Utterly Xena to tell her, utterly Gabby to refuse, and very reassuring to see that Xena's not going to just shove Gabrielle to the side for her new, littler and cuter sidekick.
Quote of the Episode:
All she wrote. Loved the snip of Zeus' lifeline. An insignificant detail in the grand scheme of things, but one I appreciated anyway.
Still here? Ares' "Huh." look at the Fates when he realizes that nothing's changed. Priceless.
Where to start, where to start. Well, since he's the last thing I just saw, how about Ares? Just when you think know how to play his game, he changes the rules on you. Ultimately, everything he's ever done has been for either self-gain or self-preservation. It's what he is, it's what he knows, and there is nothing in the world more important than himself. So why is he not out hunting Xena's child down himself? Why not just go along with what Zeus wanted if he was reluctant to do the deed personally? And then his confession in the tunnels of Tartarus that no one (except us, conveniently enough) heard, one has to query whether Ares really DOES love Xena after all. I think that at least part of him does and probably always has, as far as Ares himself is capable of love.
Two things that made me pause, though. First of all, Ares tells Xena that he's having "urges" he's "not too proud of." I'm curious to know what those urges might be, as I think they could hold a profound key to Ares' character. I've given it a bit of thought, and I think that the most likely answer (at least, the best I've come up with) is a sense of loss. This ties in with what Eli was spouting off about in "Seed of Faith" quite nicely as well. Ares, I think, is being struck with his own looming mortality, and it's thrown him for a loop. Ironically, when he had all the time in the world he enjoyed the life of a loner, but now that he may die, he wants to spend his time with company than he enjoys. And whose company has he ever enjoyed more than Xena's? Does this mean that he really loves her? Not necessarily. Much like humans on the "rebound," Ares has an awful lot to sort through and could very likely be mistaking one set of feelings for another entirely. But the fact remains that Ares, at least, believes fully in the Twilight, and doesn't expect to be around much longer.
But what effect does the Twilight bring? I had originally thought that the gods would die, disappear, or be wiped out in some tangible manner. Ares, however, talks about being mortal and living out the rest of his life. Is that an effect of the Twlight, or Ares' contingency plan to avoid the Olympian's fate of eradication by no longer being a god?
Moving on, Hera tells Hercules that the bones of a titan can only be lifted by "the arms of an immortal." Herc fetches it with no problem, not surprising. But when he meets up with Xena and Gabby again, he throws it to Xena ... who not only catches it with no problem, but wields it with deadly accuracy. So, is this evidence that there's more to Xena than meets the eye? She certainly seems to possess powers above and beyond those of normal mortals. Or is the rib more like the Chakram of Light, in that only someone special can take it, but afterwards it's fair game for anybody?
Other questions about trinkets, just what happened to Hades' helm after Solan put it on? He obviously makes it through to the fields with no problem, but he's not wearing it on the other side, and we don't see it anywhere on the ground nearby. If it's gone for good, I think Xena & Co. should be thankful for the Twlight.
Finally, Eve. What her name means to us in today's society is obvious, but what does it mean to the Xenaverse? Eli has been parallelled to Jesus Christ throughout this season, the Twlight is likely the advent of Christianity, and now we have the mother of all humanity. Is it nothing more than a red herring, or will Xena's child have a more significant purpose to the world at large? Anybody else find the image of Ares as the serpant fittingly amusing?
In episodes to come, I am extremely interested to see how Eve is going to fit in. I can't see The Powers that Be doing anything to Xena's child for a second time, especially not as it's something of an on-screen proxy for Lucy and Robert's real baby, and I think it would be far too cruel a stroke for Eva to go the way of Solan. A Hope-like supernatural boost in age? Possibly, but unless it was done very well, it would feel like a cop-out. Send the child off somewhere to be raised and educated in relative safety? She's done that before, and has already stated this season she wouldn't do so again, which I believe. Settling down with Gabby to raise the child, realistically, would be the best for them all, but I can't see TPTB doing THAT, either. So what's left but to cart the kid around from battle to battle? I don't know, but I intend to stay tuned and find out.
Questions, comments or ways to slaughter the promo-writers? Send them to JetWolf@jetwolf.com.