Godzilla   1 Disembodied Jet Wolf Head out of Five
"The soggiest movie ever made."
Wednesday, 20 May 1998 & Sunday, 24 May 1998
NOTE: Review salvaged from the original HoF. Contents may have shifted during takeoff and landing.



Jet Wolf Says ...This movie was the cottage cheese of cinematic experiences. Absolutely no consistancy to speak of, with a few lumps tossed into the mix in a lame attempt to trick you into thinking that you're actually eating something.


Well, on the OTHER end of the spectrum, we have the first of the Summer Blockbusters, not to mention the first of the American-made King of the Monsters films, "Godzilla takes Manhatten."

Where to start? How about by saying that I can't believe I saw this twice. Hey, it's what Rachel wanted to see while she was here for A-Kon, what else could I do? It was either bow down to her wishes or get clubbed with the Supreme Lumber, I had no choice in the matter. <grin>

Actually, I was hopeful at first that it would be better on a second viewing. This was, quite obviously, a pipe dream on my part.

I suppose I shouldn't be surprised that this movie didn't really move me on any levels. I'm a fan of special effects, being intensely curious about the movie business, but I'm even MORE into a story with substance. This movie was the cottage cheese of cinematic experiences. Absolutely no consistancy to speak of, with a few lumps tossed into the mix in a lame attempt to trick you into thinking that you're actually eating something.

What we have here, my friends, is one big merchendising scheme wrapped up in mildly interesting, if unoriginal, packaging. That explodes a lot. You might be familiar with this process under the banner title of "Saturday morning cartoons".

As always, here's a look at the movie basics: Previously undetected lizard decides to, for reasons uknown, head to New York City to raise its young. Many people die as it goes sight seeing, even more buildings get demolished by a trigger happy national army. Matthew Broderick plays the Charlie Brown-esque brainy hero who is cowed down by everyone. Some other guy plays the French action hero who is the only one that actually knows what's going on and whose other role is to provide predicatable and, consequently, thoroughly unfunny jokes about Americans. A blonde girl plays Matt's girlfriend (who Mike believes was Roller Girl from the OTHER smashing success Boogie Nights) and has all the personality and acting ability of my felt-tip pen. Rounding out the primary antagonists is a glory-hungry camera man who reminds me of a friend of mine and is easily the most likable character in the thing. Sadly, that doesn't say much, but anyway. Their task is to kill Godzilla and all it's children before the New Yorks find themselves the choicest entrees of a reptilian's buffet.

Yawn. From start to finish this movie was painfully predictable. The only bit of slight suspense was at Frenchie's true purpose, and I can't say that I was on the edge of my seat wondering about it. Maybe it's just me, but I think it's pretty sad when you can accurately call exactly what's going to happen in the last 20 minutes of a film. (Okay, I got one detail wrong .. it was an entire head that popped out of the egg and I said it would be just be an eye that appeared, shoot me.)

I can't say much how I feel about this movie as compares to any of the Godzilla classics since I've never seen one. But as a stand alone movie, I'd have to say that it's pretty darned weak. I don't doubt that the special effects guys had a lot of fun ... I'm glad that they did, actually, at least SOMEONE should have enjoyed themselves. But as for myself, I was less than impressed. If you haven't seen it in the theaters, don't bother. Without a huge screen and uber sound system, Godzilla loses the one thing that it has going for it.

Oh, and while I'm still in complain-mode, I thought the obvious kiss-up to Siskel and Ebert was nothing but sad, and don't even get me started on that atrocious remake of David Bowie's "Heroes" ... BAH!!



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