Money at What Cost?

How much of yourself would you sell for a quick buck? This was a question I mulled over at work tonight. A fellow operator was telling me about another local call center, though one of immense proportions, quite literally dwarfing the little company that I answer for. These people, according to her, answer for about 85% of all the 800 numbers you see on television. They had no limits on the amount of hours you could work per week, paid exceedingly good rates for premium hours, and gave commission on any upsells. She made, she said, anywhere from $1500 to $2000 per paycheck -- and they got paid twice per week.

My mind staggered. Mike and I are desperately saving money to move out of this hell pit, and with both of us working our asses off for just one month, we'd have more than enough money to do it. Toss in another month, and I could completely get myself out of debt. Hot damn, that's attractive.

But of course, while clouds have silver linings, thousands of people are struck by lightening every year looking for them, and this proved to be no exception. For starters, the company is about 1000x stricter than my present one, or perhaps it just has managers who actually give a damn. Every conversation is recorded. Every last one. They are monitored, and you're drug into a little room, given a rating, told how to improve, and sent out to be scrutinized again. It wasn't said, but I imagine if you did not improve, out you go.

From the standpoint of management, this is probably the best way to run your business. I know that my own company could benefit from this sort of attention paid to the idiots they hire (although the fact that the operator assured me that it was still populated with idiots, only on a grander scale given the massive employee base has me convinced that companies have little choice but to hire idiots). But from a selfish standpoint, I couldn't handle the thought that someone was peering over my shoulder every second. I don't even like for someone in my house to be hovering behind me, I can imagine how insane I'd get if I had to deal with it for 40-60 hours a week. But even that aside, there's the issue I mentioned about about morality.

She was telling us about how almost all the products came with an upsell script. (For those of you who are unfamiliar with the term, an "upsell" is when the order-taker kindly suggests something else for you to waste your hard-earned money on. You know how when you go through the McDonald's drive-thru and they say "Like, d'ya want fries with that?" That's an upsell.) On this script, they were extremely anal. You had to read the thing WORD FOR WORD. No deviation, no paraphrasing. The reason for this is quite simple: the company whose products you were taking orders for had laid out probably thousands of dollars on marketing geniuses to craft for them the perfect blending of words and phrases to convince you, the hapless consumer, that you have to have more things you never even knew you wanted.

In other words, they trick you.

Or in extreme cases, they flat-out lie to you.

As a sited example, she told us of how one of the home shopping programs would attract these little old ladies in droves. They would place their order, happily releasing their credit card number to the polite and helpful operator. Said operator was then forced into reading a script which offered the lady a year's membership into a cooking club for $75. The lady was not interested. Moving to phase 2, the operator would have to ask if Granny would like a free magazine subscription instead. Granny was delighted, and said she'd love it ... however, what they didn't bother to mention in the script was that when Granny got the free magazines, they came with the not-so free $75 membership mentioned in the previous offer. So a month later, the operator had to contend with confused, crying old ladies who couldn't afford to play Bingo that week because their credit card had suddenly developed a higher balance than they had anticipated.

Now before you think I'm getting all soft, let me say that I think people ultimately get what they deserve. If you're going to blindly agree to things from an entity which is clearly after your dollars above all else (otherwise their wonderous products or services would be free), then you pay the price, quite literally, for your naivety. Irritating as I find them, the people who give me the third degree when placing orders over the phone are the ones who aren't going to wake up one morning to find they're now a member of The Cosmo Kitchen Club. I myself don't believe in "free", and will turn down absolutely any offer I wouldn't be willing to otherwise pay for under normal circumstances. But there's a huge gaping chasm of difference between caveat emptor and me telling bald-faced lies to Granny.

This is the sort of stuff they'd like me to do at my present job. The health products company in particular is horrible about this. Their entire premise is a sham, we've had their staff tell us they don't know why ANYbody would take their products, and were told by the vice-president of the company that he wanted us to tell the customers that not only we ourselves injested their placebo crap, but that everybody else in our family did too. Had I been asked if I was going to do this, I would not have been able to answer with a straight face, and I have my doubts that I could've kept my opinion on the matter to myself. Luckily for all concerned, my personal feelings weren't inquired about, so I said nothing and just kept doing my job as I normally do; that is to say, when asked if I take the products I honestly reply that I do not nor do I know anybody personally who does, and I will not try to convince the customer that for full benefits, they need to spend $200 or so more on unrelated garbage. My job is lax enough that I can get away with this, which is just as well, as I doubt I would still be there otherwise. I will do many things to spite or otherwise irritate a customer, but blatantly lying to them, I will not do.

But this dream job, this miracle Valhalla of cash ... to enter into its hallowed halls required a great sacrifice. Such morality would have to be laid aside for the glory of the dollar. And I was tempted. Oh, how I was tempted. But unfortunately, when all was said and done, the price was just too high. I want out of debt and out of the South so badly I can taste it, and my refusal to pursue this avenue of employment has probably resigned me to living here months longer than I would have had to otherwise. But I would have to live with me a whole lot longer. And I, better than anyone, know how difficult that is under the best of circumstances.

But the company won't miss me. Indeed, they never got the chance to, but regardless, with an employee base of 4500 grunts or so, what's one more? People by and large will do anything for a buck, after all. Which I think ultimately says more than anything else I've babbled about above.

I hope Granny's future social security checks are good to her.