In Memoriam ... Almost.

"Happy Memorial Day!" the radio announcer cried cheerfully as we made our way to work tonight. A moment of deep, contemplative thought passed before I turned to Mike... "What's so happy about Memorial Day?"  "The fact that we're alive and they're not?" he attempted.  Well, it was a nice try, but I don't quite buy it.

Memorial Day, in its purest, ideal form, is the day that Americans reserve to remember all the brave men and women who died in the defense of our freedom and inalienable rights. Realistically, Memorial Day is the first day of the year where charcoal vendors are rubbing their grubby little hands together in anticipation and countless brave hot dogs give their lives in the battle against freedom from preservatives. Memorial Day is also well known, to me, at least, as yet another irritating weekday when I don't get my mail.

Now I'll be the first to admit that I'm about as far from "red-blooded American" as Joseph Stalin, but I appreciate the fact that hundreds of thousands of people went off to get themselves killed, most of them likely with no small amount of brainwashing about "duty" and "honour". Do I thank them? Well, no, not especially. As far as I'm concerned, WWII was the last war that would've had any impact on me. And hell, "me" is all I really give a damn about. Korea? Vietnam? The farce that was the Gulf War? Don't make me laugh. All I feel for the poor saps who got killed in those wars is pity for those who fell victim to the great killer "patriotism."

Ahh, but I digress. The point I'm trying to make here: I'd just as soon burn the stars and stripes as wave it proudly, and I hate baseball and apple pie. But there are others out there among the purple mountains majesty who will proclaim themselves to be "good Americans." But how are they spending their Memorial Day? How are they spending their hard-won freedom, bought with the blood of our country's veterans? By having a weenie roast and then watching the game on ESPN. How many of these proud nationalists gave pause today and really thought about why their SUVs get to sit in the driveway on this fine Monday afternoon? I'm betting not a whole hell of a lot, which makes it all the more pathetic that I put more synapses to work on the whys, when I don't even get a day off or overtime pay.

Speaking of overtime pay, this is a perfect example of how we really treat the memory of those who died so we could have another federal holiday. Yesterday, my employers had grand ideas and dollar signs dancing in their heads. We had visitors come to my workplace -- clients of supposed high standing in our community. What did they require of us, the lowly peons of the answering service? They were opening a Veterans museum and wanted to hear from the few and the proud. In theory, anyway. In actuality, they wanted to entrap as many people as possible into paying for the privilege of calling yourself a "member." Even more, however, they wanted our revered veterans to dish out $100 of their vet/disability pension for a brick. Yes -- a brick. Oh, I imagine that there would be something on the brick, but I can't fathom that it would take a hundred bucks to stencil "Corporal Dead Meat, age 17, died in the smelly jungles of Da Nang." Way to support our veterans there. On a side note, the supposed onslaught of calls never occurred, not even with the televised promise that all anybody wanted was to take down war stories. 100 calls was all that came in total... Hey, if they all pitched in, they could afford a brick! Maybe all the veterans were out picking up bags of Kingsford.

Even now, as the day draws to a close, I'm receiving calls from customers ticked that their cable's still out from the tornados, people angry that they're missin' their rasslin', and even a few more of those inexplicable and inane "Happy Memorial Day!" greetings. The saddest part of all? The freedom to be this stupid and selfish is, ideally, what the people we're technically honouring today died for.

The Freedom to be an Uncaring Dumb Ass. That is truly the American Way.