Week Twenty-One - No Winner
Lots of irritations, but nobody quite FotW worthy this time through. Unfortunately, it was that kind of week -- busy enough to stop you from doing anything else productive, slow enough in all the wrong places to make the night drag on indefinitely, and no callers interesting enough to to win the award. Maybe they're all roasting in the summer heat. We can but hope.
Week Twenty-Two - Tuesday, 22 August
I'm both fascinated and saddened by the depths of self-absorption and ignorance we, as a species, are capable of. You know, it's a known fact that shit happens, but it's the people who feel that threats make it all better that truly make me hang my head. This country has turned into one where suing has become a national pasttime, and I have to wonder if even the threat of it should hold clout any more (you're suing me? Find, I'll counter-sue you). Apparently this lady thinks it does, and her instantaneous usage of said threat leads me to believe I'm not the first she's used it on. Sad, sad world.
 In three minutes I have fielded five calls to a pledge line in Arkansas. I still am not wholly sure what's going on, but apparently there was some kind of show on where you could (or were supposed to) ask Governor Bush questions. Well, the station either flashed the wrong number or completely neglected to tell us anything about it (both are equally likely), so we were left looking like clueless idiots. Something with the old people lovingly confirmed for us. One in particular made me laugh, however. Upon hearing she couldn't speak to Bush, she started screaming "False advertising! I'm suing!" You don't actually grasp the concept of false advertising, to you, lady? Sue for what, exactly? The 15 seconds of time it took you to find out he wasn't here? The money you cost the station in a toll-free call? Get a clue, you antagonistic weed.
Week Twenty-Three - Sunday, 27 August
People often say that television makes people more stupid the longer they watch it. Some people attribute this specifically to Cable, which provides more and more varied channels of utter stupidity to watch. But I personally blame wrestling. Unlike baseball, football, or even boxing, wrestling works its way into the minds of the weak and the easily entertained. It twists and corrupts them, turning them into mindless minions who don't know that their damn role is that of, well, a mindless minion. Every once in a while, we get someone who places a little TOO much value on their need to watch wrestling. But before this week, I had not encountered someone so entwined in this morass of stupidity that they lost touch with reality altogether. In retrospect, I should have asked him whether he had any Celebrity Deathmatch autographs...
Just one of the many upset people who couldn't order the wrestling PPV this evening. This one was exceptionally bothered that he wouldn't be able to watch the overlarge oiled-up men beat on each other. "You don't understand, this is important! I have to see this!" he exclaimed. "Well, you can't, it's out across the nation." He wailed something that sounded like "No!" and I smiled (these kinds of callers are always amusing, if a little scary). He came back to the phone, a little more composed, and started to explain about how important it was, how utterly essential it was that he be able to watch this broadcast, to see how some wrestler or another was going to handle some situation. This is when he made the mistake of saying "I'm praying for him.," forcing me to back away a little and remind him, "Sir, it's fake. There's no need to pray for anyone." There was a long pause, and he snarled, "You're a liar! A dirty liar!" before slamming the phone down. I always knew people in Mississippi were stupid, but I honestly never thought any of them possessed this level of gullibility.
Week Twenty-Four - Saturday, 2 September
Delinquent customers. They are the bane--at least one of them--of any given company. On the average, I take 4-6 calls per night from cable customers who are so far behind on their payment they will be cut off the next day and wait until 1am in the morning to try and make some sort of phone payment. People do not realize that when they are 4 weeks late with their payment every month they are no longer the valued asset they think they are. "The customer is always right" doesn't apply if you're not a customer due to the fact that you're not paying anything. And, much like the nightly calls we receive from people who need our help but give us flak instead of cooperation, this week's FotW shows just how clearly people do not understand this principle.
A cable caller in Mississippi wanted to complain about a technician who cut off her cable. After being a month late on her bill, a tech came to her house saying she had until 4pm to pay the money owed or her service would be disconnected. She laughed in his face and slammed the door on him. He went around the side of her house and cut her cable line, four hours early. She was most upset and shocked, and asked for everything short of the man's head on a pike.
Week Twenty-Five - No Winner
Dull dull week, unfortunately for the OSB. The same low-grade mediocrity on all sides. But I'm confident that people will become much more interestingly hateful as we move ever-closer to the Super Bowl.
Week Twenty-Six - Sunday, 17 September
It's hard to pin down exactly where I place football fanatics on the evolutionary scale. Not quite as high as toaster ovens, not quite as low as SUV owners. As for stupid football fanatics, I don't think it even quite qualifies as evolution anymore. It's a Darwinian cul du sac I'd rather not venture down.
A cable caller from Florida, complaining that his service was out, shouted that "You people have cable off on the biggest football night of the year!" Excuse me? The last time I checked, that would be the Superbowl, and failing that, any number of playoffs. None of which were currently in progress. Only a frothingly devot -- and stupid at that -- football fan could be delusional enough to believe his team's second or third game of the season was "the biggest football night of the year."
Week Twenty-Seven - Saturday, 23 September
Yes, the co-workers have finally made it into the FotW. With a stupidity that still amazes me, this now ex-employee (yes, she got fired two days later, although in a incident that did not involve cups in any way) strengthens my resolve to keep a close eye on my children. And if they ever exhibit such inability to work out simple solutions to simple problems alone, I shall shoot them through the head.
Workplaces often tend to elicit something of an "us vs. them" mentality. Secretaries vs. bosses, grunts vs. managers, operators vs. callers. At least, the later would be in an ideal situation. Sadly, such is not the case at my place of employ. Here instead, it becomes operators able to use brains vs. rest of operators vs. callers. 'Tis a sad situation for those of us capable of thought, but one which you become accustomed to. Kinda.
Then something like this comes along, and you hang your head and sigh as you realize that you miss the higher collective intellectual level you shared with the employees of McDonalds. Observe the following E-Mail, reproduced exactly for your viewing pleasure, which was waiting for us upon arriving at work today. Observe also OSB's own goatee'd wonder respond to the message ... The rat, he beat me to it. But I'm conforted by the fact that I think he did far better than I would have.
Subject: MY CUP
I FOUND MY COFFEE CUP IN THE DISHWASHER THIS MORNING AND I REALLY DON'T APPRECIATE SOMEONE USING IT!!!!!!! I DO NOT WANT ANY HERPETIC GERM INFESTED PERSON USING MY CUP AGAIN SO STOP IT!!!!!
Subject: Re: MY CUP
My advice to you, as an operator and not a manager, mind you, is to not leave your cup lying around, then. If you fear such a biological contamination from your follow workers, then I would most certainly not leave anything you might eat or drink with around here. I'd wash and dry it immediately then put it back in your bag when you come off of break or whatever. I also assume you'll be bringing your own water to wash it with, as someone might have put their lips on the faucet, and your own towl to dry with... Someone might have brushed the paper towel roll with their hands before they were properly cleaned.
Sarcasm? Certainly, and I wouldn't want anyone drinking out of my cup, either, but then, don't leave it where anyone can do so. Simple as that.
Let's hear it for the voice of reason, folks. And don't forget -- spit in the cup of those you dislike. You'll be able to more readily spread your herpes that way.
Weeks Twenty-Eight to Thirty - No Winner
Sorry friends and neighbors, we're on vacation, wherein the most fuck-like people we'll have to deal with will be those warm and cuddly British ones. More antagonism and hatred coming back your way soon, though, just in time for the holiday rush.
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