I have been doing this job now for multiple years. Enough so that I will become horribly depressed if I dwell on it, so I don't. And I'll be frank - I loathe my job. Although since Mike has started up there, my tolerance levels for the place have risen, the fact remains that I hate what I do. Why do I do it, then? Because I'm not as dumb as I look. There is no other place where I would get paid the same obscene wage to sit on my ass for 8 hours a night, work the hours that I do (7.45pm to 3.45am), be able to read, write, draw, watch TV, etc when I'm not busy ... And frankly, my job is not all that difficult. Despite the fact that one-half to three-fourths of my fellow employees can't seem to figure it out, a moderatly bright chimpanzee could do what I do. Here's the upshot: I'm a lazy bitch. I want the most amount of money for the least amount of effort, and this job is right up my alley.

But I abhor the human race, and no amount of money will ever change that.

So how do I fare in my workplace? I appeal to a select brand of caller. Predominantly the ones that think like I do and hate fake, nauseatingly cheerful people. Callers that want to chat for half an hour about their burning syphillis will find that I am not their girl. My method consists of "Hi, tell me what you want, here's what I can do for you, thank you, goodbye." I prefer the term efficient to any other. However I want to stress that I am never rude ... until someone is rude to me. At that point, I consider all kid gloves off and you'd better hope you have a reasonable wit to back up that vulgar, screaming tongue of yours.

As a relative newcomer to this line of work, I have nowhere near as much experience in tolerating this kind of moronity as Nikki does. I come from a long term of employment in the vis-a-vis retail business, however, so stupid, arrogant and downright wrong customers are not new to me. However, the ability to smirk and laugh at them without them knowing, as well as being able to tell them, "No, I don't have to do that" or "I'm afraid I can't help you" instead of bending over backwards for every jerk who wants something for nothing is quite refreshing.

I am a very low-stress person and take pride in my somewhat zen-like ability to let an irate or irritatingly foolish customer slide off my back; granted, that may fade when I've been doing this as long as my partner here, but at this time I doubt it. In any event, I often allow the customer to talk a little too long for their own good, in the hopes that a) they might entertain me more (and they usually do), and b) they might realize after spewing a certain amount of crap, that they're supposed to put the manure in their garden, not eat it (if you ever see a fertilizer bag that says "Do not take internally," you will know why.) Callers do not generally realize either of these, and think of me instead as a wonderfully nice person who listens to their calls with genuine concern and interest. Newsflash: I wouldn't hurry through an idiot's order for a water bucket if his house was burning down.